It’s Valentine’s Day today, but for the longest time, I’ve called February 14th “Single Awareness Day.” Aside from a couple of very-brief relationships that never got serious, I’ve pretty much been single my entire life.
I don’t really have a problem with it, as it’s something that I’m used to and never really cared about settling down with someone…at least up until recently. I guess it’s the realization that I’m in my late-twenties and haven’t really “dated” someone yet, let alone get serious with someone. While I’m aware that I’m still young and still have time to explore and figure out love, I can’t help but feel that I’d like to try to be in at least a partnership and experience the good, the bad, and everything in between, just so I don’t feel so inexperienced.
At the same time, I think this past year of online dating has helped me gained some experience in talking to people romantically. While I’ve since removed my dating apps and sworn off online dating (which is honestly a cesspool of weird or incompatible people), I’m grateful I got to learn the intricacies of interacting with others and building my confidence. I’m happy to have taken part in this “experiment” of going on dates and talking to dozens of different women, and I’ve acquired some general knowledge that I can use moving forward as I aim to find love in real life.
I guess I’m sort of torn between wanting a relationship and being comfortable with my current “Single” status. I’m still of the belief that “when it happens, it happens,” so I try not to worry too much about it. But when I see potential in someone, it makes me wonder if I ought to make a move, to ask her out, etc. It’s also the fear not just of rejection (trust me, I can take it), but rather the fear of making a friendship awkward afterwards. Because once you say it, you can’t take it back. But considering that I’ve consistently restrained myself from ever making a move on women who, looking back, were probably interested in me, I’m kind of tired of “friend-zoning” myself, and I’d like to have the courage to make the leap from friendship to romantic relationship.
This is all just a bunch of rambling, I know, but I hope some of it has made sense for you. Basically, I’ll be enjoying my still-“Single” status this Valentine’s Day (and with a lucky three-day weekend off from work) and seeing where life takes me with love and relationships. Enjoy your day, folks! ❤
— The Finicky Cynic
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