Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and with love in the air, what better way than to recount a story about dating? Better yet, why not recount one that didn’t go well? Perhaps you might see this as rather pessimistic, but I thought I would tell a story of a date that did not go well for your entertainment.
Just know that, while I still harbor rather bitter feelings towards the bad date, I’m also moving on. Looking back at this point, I kind of laugh over how ridiculous it all was. I’m choosing not to talk to the person again, so don’t worry about any future drama related to this afterwards!
In any case, here goes the story!
Story Time: My Worst Date
As mentioned in my “Adventures in Online Dating (Part 1)” post, I’d gone out with “S” in the beginning of January. We had a great afternoon getting brunch and strolling the beach together that we made plans for our upcoming date. Considering it was my first time going out with a girl, I admit that I got too excited about wanting to get into a relationship with her.
Thing was, we weren’t able to meet up for our second date until three weeks later, as she was busy the weekend after, and then we had to reschedule the second weekend. Looking back, I should’ve realized that it was perhaps a tactic to delay seeing me; even if there was the possibility that she genuinely had something come up, I figured that, along with the gradual delays in messaging back that she wasn’t that into me.
It wasn’t until a week before our second date that I got a message from her saying that she just wanted us to “be friends.” She gave me the reason that she was in the process of applying to graduate school and didn’t have time to pursue romantic relationship. I admit, her message stung, but I said that it was okay if we remained “friends.” I’d figured that I’d come off too strong in the beginning, which might’ve scared her off, but that she was still a cool person, and it would be fine to hang out platonically. If anything, a wing-woman at best!
In hindsight, though, it was a few days after that I sat down and really thought about it: I’d also gotten the “just friends” spiel from another date, and that was when I realized that “S” was probably letting me down because she didn’t like me romantically. And that kind of irritated me, because she could’ve just been honest and told me that, instead of wanting to “be friends.” Like really, just tell me straight-up, and don’t lead me on!
I was a bit apprehensive about meeting up with her for our second now-“friendship” date. Just because I realized that she might not be who I’d expected her to be, and that I’d have to be careful with my emotions. I’d given too much of myself away the first time, so I knew that I had to dial back and see where this all went. Of course, I was willing to give her a chance at friendship, and never did I think it would go wrong…
First things first, “S” suggested the place we could go to for brunch. Now the thing was, she’d suggested our first spot the last time we met, which had been fine. But when it came to the second “date,” I’d suggested someplace, and she basically disregarded it, citing that she wanted to try some other place out. That should’ve been a warning sign that she wasn’t being considerate, choosing to control the narrative of our hang-outs.
In any case, I ended up accepting her suggestion to meet downtown for brunch. The next issue was that she wanted to meet at noon on a Sunday, and considering it was a popular brunch spot, there was going to be a horrible wait time. The place also didn’t take reservations, so I knew going in it would be a bad idea. Any case, I still went!
I was the first to arrive, after braving horrible LA traffic and finding parking. The line to get into the brunch spot was already bad when I showed up. I put my name on the waiting list, which would’ve been 53-73 MINUTES long. Not only that, but “S” was running late, as she’d missed her exit on the freeway to get over and had to circle back. I was beginning to get irritated, but I just waited all the same.
She showed up 15 minutes late, and we ended up going to another place for brunch, since we didn’t want to wait for 53-73 minutes. There happened to be a sibling restaurant just across the street, so we went there instead. Food was horribly overpriced and mediocre (it’s West LA– what do you expect?), but I braved through it with equally-mediocre conversation with “S.”
Honestly, I realized that even speaking with “S” was draining. I should’ve known from our first date that she loved to talk about herself, her family, her problems. And also criticizing other people while being hypocritical at the same time (e.g. complains her sister spends “stupid shit” with her high-paying income, but she ends up spending $200 on a Zumba class with her part-time job *smh). While I might not be a talker, she didn’t really give me much of a chance to speak much, as I ended up listening to her ramble about nothing and kind of just tuning her out.
After we paid up and exited the restaurant, I suggested that we tried this cool coffee shop about three miles away. “S” ended up being wishy-washy and said that she didn’t really want to, because that would require driving over and finding parking again. Instead, SHE suggested that we took a walk around the block and practice French (context: she’d told me before that she wanted someone to practice French with and, since I have an intermediate/advanced level in it, I could do so). I found her suggestion extremely weird but, being a nice person, I agreed to it.
In hindsight, I realized that she was essentially using me this whole time to practice her French; she never seemed to really care about my interests when we conversed in English. I will also say that her French is horrible, the equivalent to what a second-year high school French is. It blew my mind when she said that she has a “decent” level in the language, because it was a struggle to talk to her at all.
“S,” your French SUCKS.
While I can understand that people want to improve in foreign languages (after all, I used to be an English teacher to French students), I was already colored by the fact that “S” was just selfish in her intent to have a “friendship” with me. I was distancing myself mentally with each second as we talked, ready to be done with this hangout so that I could go to my coffee shop.
After perhaps 30 minutes of strolling around, we circled back to my parked car. That was where I thought we would part ways, but not quite. What “S” did next really made me realize that I no longer wanted to see her again: she asked if I could “give [her] a ride back to her car?”
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.
As calmly as I could, I asked her what she’d parked. She nonchalantly said just a block or two away. Inside, I was fuming: considering that we’d been walking around for half an hour, she was perfectly capable of walking back to her car not too far away. What pissed me off even more was that she said it so sweetly (I could swear she batted her eyelashes doing so) that I wanted to seriously tell her to fuck off. Either she was being manipulative or so self-unaware that I knew this hangout was a dump.
I kick myself for doing this, but I did end up driving her back to her car. Before getting out, she said that we would “stay in touch” and that I send a photo of my coffee to her when I went to the cafe. It was an effort to remain civil as I sat through her bullshit, and I literally floored the gas pedal as soon as she stepped out of the car.
Effectively, the hangout didn’t even last 90 minutes; it took just as much time to get to the hangout as the hangout itself. I ended up going to the cafe and enjoying my latte while trying to process just how bad the date was.
It’s already been a few weeks since it happened. “S” had messaged me a couple of times since then, but I’ve been curt with my response, so as to give her the hint that I no longer am interested in seeing or talking to her. If she persists, I’ll be straight-forward with her and end it. Honestly, screw her.
Even if I still harbor bitter sentiment over this horrid hangout, I also look back and laugh at how absurd it was. “S” reminds me of an ex-friend who’d been toxic to me for five years: self-absorbed, inconsiderate, judgmental, and insecure. Granted, I’ve only ever seen her twice, so I can’t simplify her like this completely, but both impressions are good enough to realize that I can’t envision being with her, let alone a friendship. Good riddance.
Have you any bad date stories to tell? Let me know!
— The Finicky Cynic
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