Today’s post will be a bit more personal. Normally, I don’t like to share the intimate moments online, as I usually prefer to keep things general, but I thought that, with spring in the air, this topic I’ll be talking about today might appeal to many of you.
Especially if you’re young, you’ve probably have felt the pressure to achieve certain milestones at certain ages along with your peers. From getting your period (as a girl) to your driver’s license, there are so many big things which define our formative years as we grow up to be adults. There’s this pressure, and it’s completely normal to feel this way.
One big milestone that many young adults get nervous about is kissing. More specifically, when they’ll get their first kiss. It seems very common that people get theirs when they’re preteens or teenagers and, if you don’t get yours once you’re in your twenties, that’s seen as weird.
Personally, I don’t understand why there’s such a huge stigma placed on adults who haven’t had their first kiss yet…maybe it’s because first kisses are seen as “rites of passage” into budding sexuality, and so preteens and teenagers who experience these “stirrings” in puberty are considered as the “right time” to get their first kiss to usher in their newfound sexuality. Adults who haven’t had their first kiss, then, are seen as “late-bloomers” and sexually-immature.
I find that a lot of crap, to be honest. First, there’s no “definite” age to have your first kiss, as it’s a matter of factoring maturity and circumstances. Also, not being kissed yet shouldn’t be seen as being “sexually-immature–” in fact, waiting for the right moment with the right person to do so shows that you are quite mature, and not just fooling around with many people.
Just like with sex (which is a whole other topic to discuss), kissing is literally a biological function: you’re literally just pressing lips with another person as an act of affection, which is great, but not some incredibly-revolutionary magical act as people make it out to be. You can kiss someone without actually be attracted to them, let alone feel anything. Again, it depends on circumstances, along with your personality and state of being.
Really, I’ll fully admit that I’d missed the “teenage train” for junior -high make outs by the locker or playing “Spin the Bottle” at sleepovers. Not ashamed of it either, because back then I didn’t find anyone whom I was so attracted to want to kiss them– I was also in the process of discovering my sexuality, which really was a confusing period and to “try it out” with random people– boy or girl– didn’t really make me comfortable.
Likewise in college, I also managed to get through four years without a single kiss. Never really met someone whom I’d really want to kiss, let alone with drunken make outs at frat parties on the weekends. It was up until I was 22 that I’d wondered to myself if I would ever be kissed, which in hindsight was unnecessary, because it really doesn’t matter when you get it– what matters is, when it happens, it’s under good circumstances.
My “magical” moment came when I was 23. I was vacationing in Italy and was staying in a small hostel in one of the villages of the beautiful Cinque Terre. During my four nights there, I’d been getting signals from the receptionist, an Italian man in his thirties who was charming and chatted me up whenever I was in. We talked about travel and things to do in the Cinque Terre, and it wasn’t until my final night in that he invited me to have wine with him outside on the patio after dinner. Splitting a bottle of white, we spent the next three hours talking about everything that came to our minds under the balmy May night, and I felt quite at ease.
Once the bottle was done (and we were both a bit tipsy), we got up to go back inside of the hostel. Before going back, however, the receptionist told me that he enjoyed my company and, if it wasn’t much, asked for a “good night’s kiss.”
At that moment, it appeared that time froze. Part of me felt weird about it and the other part of me wanted to do it– after all, what are the chances of an Italian man wanting to kiss you?
It was then I had my first kiss. He leaned in, kissed me gently, and pulled away. Leaned in again, and I kissed him back. It was slow, and he definitely knew how to kiss well. Soon enough, it became a passionate, make-out session, only to be halted when a hostel-goer arrived late in the night and the receptionist had to tend to it. We ended up exchanging email addresses before the end of his shift that night, and we never saw each other again.
Looking back, the circumstances were both right and debatable. Was I taken advantaged of? Most likely, since I’d asked him if he did this a lot with hostel-goers and he replied with once or twice a year. At the same time, it was consensual, since he’d asked and I had the right to say “yes” or “no” (even though I was tipsy, I still could function). And he didn’t do anything else with me, i.e. no sex, which was respectful.
In any case, my first kiss was an interesting one, as it was good in its execution, but also weird under the circumstances. I would then go on to have more kisses in the future– some good, some bad. No two kisses are the same; it really depends. That said, I have some tips on how to make sure that your first kiss goes well”
- Make sure you’re comfortable with the person with whom you’re going to kiss. If not, then don’t do it!
- Feel the situation: are you at a club or at home? There’s no “perfect place” to kiss, but again, if you don’t feel at ease in your surroundings, then you’re not obliged to kiss.
- If possible, initiate the kiss. It’s a matter of communicating verbally or non-verbally. You can be direct and say, “wanna make out?” or give plenty of hints that you’re interested in it, e.g. looking at their lips, making lots of eye contact, being physically close.
- Don’t rush…unfortunately, I had a kiss with a stranger in Budapest who just went for it, tongue and all. Completely turned me off, and so it’s much better to start slow with a simple kiss and reading how the other person reciprocates before continuing.
- Using tongues: a little is fine, but don’t go overboard, or it becomes like a make-out session with a dog (aka not pleasant at all).
- Be respectful– sure, you can get handsy, but as long as the other person is fine with it.
- Overall, relax and enjoy it!
Let me know how your first kiss was, and if you have any other “first kiss” tips to add. Thanks for reading, and until later!
— The Finicky Cynic
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7 thoughts on “My First Kiss (and advice)”
You know in India most of the people are late bloomers 😛 Very few people get involved with someone in their teenage years 🙂 So for us it’s quite common. I like your point that never get involved with anyone just for the hack of it. You need to be sure and enjoy the moment rather then regretting it later. After all first remains always first.
Very true words! The first will always be the first, and once it happens, you can’t undo it!
I second that 🙂
I got a kiss in 3rd grade from a girl named Tina.
Aw, how cute! What was the occasion?
My first kiss was when I was 15 and I was on the school bus haha. I kind of got guilted into it and it was with someone I regret kissing. But like you said there’s no special or perfect time to kiss someone. It was just a small peck and nothing super special. Totally agree with your first point about only kissing someone if you actually want to!
Aw, that’s a shame you were pressured! Kisses should be consensual, and hopefully a good experience!