Eight Things You Should Know Before Dating Me

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Granted, it won’t be a secret once I tell you, but all the same, it’s something that I’ve just realized about myself that is interesting to note:

…I, a twenty-something writer/traveler/penguin-lover, have never been on a date. Ever.


Shocking, huh? And to top it off, I’ve never been in a romantic relationship before. *double gasp*

…and you know what? I could care less about it.

It’s interesting, since our world is so keen on having people-on-people interactions (intellectually and physically, *ahem) that there’s so much pressure put on those who don’t actually want to get into them. And I know that, at least in this generation of millennials and such, the pressure is lessening and the “single life” concept is becoming more embraced, but still, traditional ideas die hard.

This is not to say that if you do want a relationship, then you’re some kind of desperado basket case (trust me, you aren’t). If you want a relationship and have valid reasons, then go for it. But me being a cynic, I have seen too many of my friends and peers rush into relationships just to be in a relationship, not necessarily for the person they’re dating. In my opinion, that’s kind of sad.

I’m pretty happy that I haven’t dated yet (not that it’s a competition to see who’ll become the single cat lady first…or last, in this case), but there have been times when I’ve wondered just how would it be like if I actually go on a “real date.” I mean, I’ve hung out with people one-on-one, but if I were to really reflect on those moments, I can’t recall any of them ever being romantic. Perhaps back when I was ten years old I was keen on getting my “first kiss” or whatnot, but nowadays, I don’t feel the pressure to rush into a relationship.

Funnily (and ironically) enough, the title of this post is, what I would consider, a tongue-in-cheek jab at some things you should know before dating me. Call it superficial, call it egotistical, but all the same, here’s a list of some eccentricities and deal-breakers when it comes to dating moi, should the occasion ever arise and you feel the need to stalk me beforehand to figure out my interests to impress me once we meet. Again, talk about being non-egotistical…

Without further ado, here they are!

Eight Things You Need to Know Before Dating Me…

1. I like my spread covering all corners of the toast (literally, not figuratively…get your mind out of the gutter!). From jams to Speculoos (aka “cookie butter” back in the States), if you don’t utilize each corner, every nook and cranny of space on the toast, then that’s a reflection of someone who won’t take the extra time and care to be with you. Really, spreading toast says a lot on personalities!

2. I might come off as awkward and cold when you first meet me. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t like you. When it comes to meeting new people, I definitely keep my guard up, which I would say is a good way of protecting me in the case that you end up being a jerk or even worse, a serial killer. I’m pretty sure that I’ve avoiding many cases of getting abducted or robbed just because of my bitch face (#thankyou), but any case, just be patient with me. It’ll probably take around two or three dates to make me more comfortable, so until then.

3. I’m cheap as hell (but like a good splurge from time-to-time). Call me the stereotypical Asian, but I fiercely guard my savings for the most part, but at the same time I splurge on good food and travel. In fact, those are the two things which I think are really worth splurging: clothes and fancy cars don’t mean shit to me. That said, be prepared for budget deals and the bare necessities should I ever decide to invite you over for dinner.

4. …speaking of dinner, I’m a terrible cook. For most of my nights, I cook pasta, eggs, and canned vegetables. Repeat that for months on end, and tell me that you won’t be sick of them. My apologies for not knowing the basic life skills for adulthood (I should really try to, though), but if you’re expecting a good girlfriend/housewife material here, then you’ve come to the wrong place.

5. Timeliness is important for me. Not to say that you need to operate on German time, but being over five minutes late gives me anxiety, whether or not it’s me or you who’s five minutes late. A minute or two is no problem, but having been raised well by my “always-early” parents, being late always gives a bad impression on the person, showing subtle signs that they simply aren’t interested and wasting time.

6. I need my own space. This refers to both physical and mental spaces: I don’t know about others, but I can’t imagine myself sharing a bed with a potential partner (unless it’s for cuddling or sex). I love having a bed all to myself, without the risk of having a pillow/blanket hogger or someone who snores…loudly. Separate rooms as well, for sleep and office space, because I do like my alone time occasionally.

7. No smokers. Even if one’s an occasional smoker, I can’t accept that. Hate the smell, hate the after-smell that comes along with it. Also have a family history of lung cancer associated with smoking, so no thanks: I’m not going to take my chances.

8. Directness and honesty. Being nice during the first few dates, let alone the first few months of dating is fine, even encouraged, but once you really get to know someone, you start seeing their quirks and flaws, which may or may not disrupt the honeymoon stage of a relationship. Too many times have I seen or heard of couples who get trapped in a sort of passive-aggressive bond of not voicing their opinions and concerns of each other, which is what I don’t want. I’d much rather have someone who’s brutally honest than one who always says that it’s “okay” when it’s not. I consider myself blunt and honest, so having someone who can reciprocate that is ideal.

…and that’s about it! What are some things you would like someone to know before they date you? Let me know!

— The Finicky Cynic

Check me out on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/thefinickycynic

21 thoughts on “Eight Things You Should Know Before Dating Me

  1. Myka

    Two things!
    A). “But me being a cynic, I have seen too many of my friends and peers rush into relationships just to be in a relationship, not necessarily for the person they’re dating.” I feel like I could have written this. I know a handful of people who have personally told me they’re unhappy, yet they STAY in their relationships. WHY! Go be unhappy alone, or better yet – be alone & find a way to actually BE happy. UGH. so frustrating, and sad.

    B). I have had the bed thought a ton this year, and never had before. When I’m not feeling well, or have had a bad day, or am just physically exhausted – I long for my bed. I realized one day if I ever get married, I’ll never have MY bed again. it’ll always be OUR bed. and that thought terrified me. I am breathing a huge sigh of relief that you have had this thought, too. or, a similar one anyway.

    being single is hard, sometimes. But being in a relationship is hard too. Never settle.

    1. rebbit7

      Valid points! There are definitely lots of complexities when it comes to relationships, the good and the bad. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts!

  2. I didnt get into a relationship until I was 28. I never felt the need. I loved meeting new people and travelling the world. When i said I didnt want a girlfriend people thiught I was weird or just couldnt get one. The thought of someone wanting to be alone freaks people out. I am happily married because I didnt look and didnt settle. I think if you look too hard then you just take on anyone, which makes for an unhappy life.

    1. rebbit7

      I agree with you! My belief is that since I’m still young, I’m in no rush to get into a relationship anytime soon. Then again, even if I get old, for that matter. You could say that I’m “dating” myself, let alone travel! Nevertheless, I am happy for those who decide to get married and remain content with their partner (glad to see you happy, by the way!).

      1. I travelled 5 continents before I met my wife and accomplished a great deal. I am fortunate that my wife shares my passion for travel, food and music. We continue to see the world. Never settle for second best.

  3. Hey! I’m 23, and I’m pretty much like you (for the most part…except the timeliness)
    Although now, I’m considering of getting into a relationship but not really desperate, like if I think the guy’s not worth it, then I’ll back off
    and you’re right about smokers! may I just add that I don’t want alcoholic people as well, but I guess i could tolerate to some extent…
    about the terrible cook part…pretty much same here, just that, i tend to eat veggies raw instead…
    I also go out with guys, one-on one, but usually, classmates and we just have no choice ‘coz we’re pretty much stuck together or something, but purely platonic
    hmmm…I guess i have to consider a lot of things when it comes to dating =)
    (if ever I get to know you in person, we might just click!)

    1. rebbit7

      Great, thanks for sharing your thoughts! If you feel like getting into a relationship naturally, then that’s fine- just let time take its course! I have platonic relationships with both guy and girl friends, so I understand as well. 🙂

  4. I’m the same as a lot of your points. I never dated or flirted just for the sake of it. Why waste my time unless there was actually something there? What a weird and potential painful ritual. I can say I’m happily married now because, like the commenter above, I wasn’t looking and I didn’t settle. My husband is very respectful of my independence and need for alone time. It sounds like you will be happy with your life, whether you decide to remain single or if you find someone.

  5. You are far from the only one out there with these qualities and I promise you that many of them are in relationships. The right one will come along at the right time and you have not way of stopping it. 🙂

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